


Not Loving You Is Harder Than You Know

by DontRememberMe



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Eremika - Freeform, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Sad Ending, Song Lyrics, Songfic, erenxmikasa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 16:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10193666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontRememberMe/pseuds/DontRememberMe
Summary: Erens hiding a big secret from Mikasa and needs her to let him go.





	

**Author's Note:**

> An EreMika (Oneshot) based on the song "Not Loving You Is Harder Than You Know" by Escape The Fate.~

"E-Eren... Please talk to me..." She said, her usual composed voice slightly cracking

"I told you, there's nothing to talk about damn it!" He growled

Mikasa sighed, sniffing a bit as she looked down, Eren was hiding something from her, she just knew it. He started to avoid her the past month, wanting nothing to do with her in anyway for the time being and she wanted to find out why. She bit into her lip hard, not even caring about the slight taste of blood seeping into her mouth the more she thought about his random disappearances, the marks he'd come back with. How he couldn't even look at her or hold her hand...

 

You said this could only get better

There's no rush because we have each other

You said this would last forever

But now I doubt if I was your only lover

 

She felt her eyes glass over as they started to sting badly, closing them as she tried to compose herself, a tear ran down her porcelain skin, dripping onto her cherished red scarf.

"For God sake, Mikasa! What the Hell are you crying for?!" He sighed heavily in irritation

"I-I just... I-I don't know..." She whimpered, covering her face with shaking hands as more tears slipped free. She tried her best to keep her sobs down. She could be strong no more.

"Stop it. Now."

"I-I can't, Eren... I'm s-sorry I-"

"I said stop damn it!"

Mikasas breath hitched in fear as she dug her nails into the palms of her hand until crescent shaped cuts started to bleed. He'd never act this aggressive towards her before. Not like this...

"Mika... I'm sorry..." He sighed, rubbing his face

She glanced up, tears falling from her lashes as she glanced to him in confusion.

"W-What?..." She said quietly

Eren walked towards her and immediately wrapped his arms around her, tears stinging in his own eyes.

"We... We can't be together anymore..." He mumbled into her neck, placing a light and final kiss there.

"W-What d-did you j-just s-say?..." She whimpered, her breath hitching as she broke down in more tears, clutching onto his body tightly as her life line.

"You heard me, I can't repeat that..." He muttered, his voice darker

"Eren... What did I do? I'mm sorry! Let me fix-"

"You can't fix this. it's not you, it's me. I can't love you anymore, Mikasa!"

Her heart shattered into a million shards, each one slicing the other into small pieces. This can't be happening. He promised forever to her. She felt like everything just froze, her heart as it combusted, time as they knew it, even her own movements. She couldn't lose him.

"I-Is it s-someone else?..." She cried quietly

Eren froze.

"I can't tell you that... Like I said, this is all on me, not you..."

"I-I can be like her you know..." She stuttered, clutching her chest as the ache became unbearable "I'll change for you, Eren, I'll die for you! Just please... Please don't leave me!"

Eren remained silent as he gritted his teeth, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead. He was just plunging his knife deeper into her breaking heart...

"Never change who you are, Mika... I have to do this... I have to let you go..."

Erens voice started to strain a bit, this was just as painful for him. The more she pleaded with him, the more his own heart was weighing down.

 

Are we just lost in time?

I wonder if your love's the same, because I'm not over you

Baby, don't talk to me, I'm trying to let go

Not loving you is harder than you know

'Cause girl you're driving me so crazy

 

There never is a good reason to cheat, if you're not happy in a relationship, then just leave. Not once did Eren ever think or even want to do this, but something was changing. He was becoming more primal. He didn't mean anything he had done, he had simply lost control. And that excuse was not good enough for Mikasa in his eyes, she'd hurt so badly, though she would say she would understand and he knew she would. But with this change, he couldn't stay with her and watch her die slowly like this. With him. Because of him. Eren thought things would calm down after that one night but he was wrong, one night soon turned into two and two turned into every couple days over the past once. He didn't mean it or want to be with anyone else like that, only her. Always her. his body had urges he couldn't control and his heart was never in it. And he couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't touch her again. He had become a dirty mess and she was forever pure in his pained eyes. He wanted this to stop, but he had no control. His body took over his heart and mind and ran on it's own primal accord.

 

How can I miss you if you never would stay?

If you need time I guess I'll go away

Inside me now there's only heartache and pain

So where's the fire, you've begun the rain

 

They were both breaking and they both needed each other, but Eren knew this was the best thing to do, for her sake alone. Eren needed her to let go, she had to let him go...

"Eren... Please... Don't..."

I... I don't love you anymore... M-Mikasa..." He said, his voice numb and strained at the same time

He was lying and they both knew it.

"H-Hurts... God, i-it hurts..." She whimpered, her nails digging into the skin of her chest through her clothes. She fell to her knees, the air in her lungs gone.

 

Are we just lost in time?

I wonder if your love's the same, because I'm not over you

Baby, don't talk to me, I'm trying to let go

Not loving you is harder than you know

Girl you're driving me so crazy and if you don't want me then I guess I'll have to go 

Not loving you is harder than you know

 

Eren dropped down to his knees right after her, holding her close. It wasn't much, but it was all he could do. He was not worthy of her, she was too good for him. How hadn't he seen it before? All those times he pushed her away, he fixed that, and here he was doing it again. For the last time.

"I c-can't keep control anymore... You have to understand... You have to let me go..."

"But, E-Eren I-"

"No Mikasa! Just leave me already!" He yelled as he held her closer to his over heating body "Let go so I can't hurt you anymore!"

 

So I'll make the call and I'll leave today

I'm gonna miss you because I love you baby

Yeah, I'll make the call

I'm leaving today and leaving always drives me crazy

 

Mikasa surrendered to the dark numbness inside, letting it take over as she tried to cope with her loss. He was everything to her and she just lost him. She didn't want to let him go, not now, not ever. Regardless of his control, she would always want him by her side. No matter what happened. The two loved with a love that was more than love, they always had. even if they didn't realize it.

"Not being able to love you hurts, Mika... Just know that I do, but please let it go..."

 

Baby, don't talk to me, I'm trying to let go

Not loving you is harder than you know

'Cause girl you're driving me so crazy

And if you don't want me then I guess I'll have to go

Not loving you is harder than you know

Girl you're driving me so crazy


End file.
